Barely keeping my eyes open

Every time I have a big project - no matter how much lead time I have before its due, inevitably there comes a few days were its all out to finish it. These are the times where the issues are clearest, my writing is succinct and I'm exhausted and off schedule. This is the week.

A few early morning rises (3:30 a.m.) got a big chunk of the framework done. But I was never able to get a good head of steam going. Getting kids up and dressed, stopping by the school to check on a child who was debating staying the day or coming home, and the transportation to tryouts, practice, game, game, tryouts, practice, grocery shopping, work, complete job application, dance, practice dance, practice, . . .. Notice there is no sleep - I think I've just napped and refueled on coffee this week. My body is feeling the effects and I have a 10k to run in the morning. Seriously considering bailing on my friend.

Since stepping on the scale to good news on Monday, I'm happy to stay in blissful ignorance until two weeks from now. Mark and I haven't spent much time together - I know he has shared some things about his new job, but I have no active memory of what he said. And, dare I say it, I don't really care. My focus is on my case and my case only. Except now, while I'm waiting for the next round of caffeine to kick in. I'm praying that Ry can make it through the day with no issues.

His first basketball practice starts tomorrow night - yes, he made the local team. We knew that calls would come by Tuesday night, but it was a practice and dance night. Ry joined K's practice with the coach's son and spent a hour running around to burn off his nervous energy. Then, after we dropped K at dance, I called the machine. The coach had called and wanted to speak with Ry directly. What?!?

Ry is not an experienced phone talker, so before calling back we talked about the best responses. For good news - an enthusiastic "thank you" was appropriate. For bad news - something like "thank you for the opportunity" "I had fun trying out" and "good luck on the season, Coach" were some of the agreed-upon responses. Then speculation set in.

Ryan reasoned that if the Coach wanted to talk directly to him then it was probably bad news and the Coach just wanted to let him know he did a good job and to encourage him to keep playing. We talked about God's will and sometimes not getting what we want. We talked about faith and how we want to have faith that God can do anything, but must accept that His will may be different than ours. Then the phone rang. I answered and passed the phone back to Ryan. Coach let him know he made the team - silence - then a quiet "thanks." Coach said we're going to have a lot of fun this season "ah-huh" was the response. He then asked "are you ready to work hard?" "Mmm-huh." Can I talk to you mom again? "yup" - So much for enthusiatic response. But, then he did the happy dance.

After I hung up, he said, while you were talking to Coach I prayed and thanked God for helping me make the team, because there was no way I would have made it without Him. I love that kid!!

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

A Fresh Start

This weekend was a weekend off. I did not plan to take the weekend off, but by Friday I just declared it so.

I didn't count calories, I didn't exercise, I didn't log my food, and I ate take out... alot! McDonalds (twice), Chinese and Panera bread, including a bagel or two at my home. I even had a margarita for dinner on Saturday night. No food - just a margarita. So, when I weighed in today, I was prepared for a 5 plus pound gain. But, I was down 5 pounds! WHAT?!?

This makes 21 pounds gone. Hey, I'll take it.

I read Karen's blog and saw that she too was indulging in treats too. She identified that it is no good to deny a type of food entirely, but that it should be reserved for something special. I totally agree. But, the truth is, even a small respite from healthy eating is good for the soul, even if its not good for the mid section. I'm back on board with my exercise, and eating plan and my reading again. I'll just start after one more sausage and egg panini.

The Scales are moving

After a month of flirting with the same pound or two, I was delighted to see a three pound loss this morning. I wish I could say that it came after a fantastic workout yesterday, but no. I struggled through my workout and didn't get up at all this morning to do anything - even to walk. Today is definately an "I don't wanna" day.

I have a huge project to complete, which is one of my favorite kinds, I just can't seem to get it done. It's about 80% done, and I've just spent hours and hours manipulating this 80% rather than pushing it over the finish line. History tells me and this time is no exception, that I get the munchies when I get stuck at the 80% line. I stayed home Monday and Tuesday to work on it, but only snacked and stalled. Yesterday I came to work and did a little, but still am behind.

I have to dig deeper to get this done so I can continue with my training. I have a 60 minute run to complete today, plus Ryan has soccer practice in the middle of my training time. Just be thankful for one thing today - and that thing is 3 pounds gone!!

My Faith Story - Watch

As I fly through my reading, I am reminded of my next word in My Faith Story: Watch.

After Jesus and the disciples had their last supper, Judas left the group on a mission to betray Jesus to the Pharasees. Jesus took his closest disciples with him: Peter, James and John and asked them to keep watch while he went to pray. During that time Jesus asked God to take the cup from him, meaning that if there was any way to save the human race other than for him to suffer and die, then could God not require him to die. After he returned from praying he discovered that they were all asleep. He rebuked them asking why they couldn't stay awake for just one hour, and went back to pray. Again he asked God to relieve him of the responsibility of dying for us, but resigned himself that he was going to follow God's plan, not his own, and so he returned to his disciples only to discover that they had dozed off again. This time he informed them it was time.

My old church had a ritual of keeping watch overnight on the Thursday before Good Friday. People would sign up for blocks of time to sit in the church and pray. While I was still in high school, I signed up for an hour. When I arrived, there was one other person in the church. I selected a seat away from them and began to pray silently. Soon, I could hear that person leaving. I was all alone. I was not frightened, but felt very responsible for having been trusted to keep watch. I didn't know Jesus as Lord or Savior then. But, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. During this hour, on several occasions, I felt what can only be described as comforting chills. A warm feeling that starts at my head and resonates down my body. It's one of the most cherished feelings in the world. After some research over the years, others have also commented that they believe that the chills mean that my body can sense the presence of the Holy Spirit. I stayed and prayed until the next person arrived. Then once relieved of my post, I returned home. Again, at that time, I was not saved. But, I believed even then that I was special to God.

Another time, a couple of years ago, Mark and I were attending the Weekend to Remember. Our volunteer team would gather in the prayer room during that part of the program where the leaders present the Gospel message. We would pray for various things but mostly that hearts would be open. At one particular point, someone was praying and invited the Holy Spirit to be present. I immediately felt the chills and knew that He was here. Later, Mark commented that even he felt it. Whenever I get that feeling, I smile remembering that night in the church, when the Holy Spirit was there with me as I stayed awake and kept watch for God.

Passing the Minutes

About a week ago, I changed my strategy for running. I now run for a pre-set number of minutes not a set number of miles. Last week I ran 20 miles. This week I'm on pace to complete 27 miles. At times that just blows my mind. Other times I am discouraged that I still run slow. I'm trusting the program and building up an aerobic base. It is getting easier to run 6-8 minutes in a row, and my heart rate is lower when I do - on average less than 165. This is a good leap from the Salem race, where I could only run 3-4 minutes and my heartbeat would be up in the realm of 180 bpm. I know it will take time.

To say that I'm enjoying it would be a lie. There is nothing "fun" about running for me. It is a means to an end - that awesome medal - hey, it's all about the bling. I use goal times to motivate me to keep going. To be honest, I've never really pushed myself during any half marathon. Disney, I just wanted to finish. I didn't train, and so I took the extra time allowed by Mark's speed run to just get er done. In Salem, I started the hour early with the walkers and didn't even begin to run until mile 3 or 4. So, Vegas will be my first real attempt to complete a half.

On the downside, the scale hasn't moved in a month. I see that my body is changing - some clothes fit better and others - like my fat jeans hang off of me. I can put them on and off without unbuttoning them. Yet, I'm not able to get into the next size jeans yet. Patience, I keep telling myself. But, it is getting a little frustrating. I added calories and then ate less, but there was no movement. I've switched up my routine, still nothing. I'm convinced that God has stopped the scale so I can get my priorites straight.

As I mentioned yesterday, God hardened the heart of Pharoh until he ultimately let the Israelites go. Certainly, God can stop my weightloss until I get back into reading the Bible. After all, that is what this blog is about - my journey through the Bible. But, I have a tendancy to make it all about the weightloss. I'm glad He's making sure that I don't this time.

Yesterday, I read that for each pound I lose, I should be able to run 2 seconds faster per mile. My goal is to get another 30 off by the marathon to get back a minute per mile. That would be sweet! Until then, I need to lay off the sweets - which gets tempting as Halloween approaches and our house becomes candy central. I've decided that to say I won't indulge it foolish - I know I will. So, instead I'll pick just one type of candy, and just eat that. I'll choose one that we don't buy to give away and one that the kids don't really eat. That would be butterfingers - my mouth is watering just thinking about it. But, Halloween is still over two weeks away. No sweets until then...

My Faith Story - Prayer

Today is the first day I begin my Faith Journal. This is the journal that tells our faith story. I think I might have shared this on my last blog, but it I don't mind repeating it.

My earliest recollection of feeling close to God dates back to 6th grade - I think. I was an acolyte at my church and it was Christmas Eve. Although I don't remember ever witnessing this tradition before, one of the deacons asked me if I would pray at the end of the service. For someone who did not like to be the center of attention, I am shocked to think I agreed. I recall the end of the service drawing near, and that I had moved over to the pew on the alter that was in front of the microphone and was waiting for my cue. For some reason, I recall that they skipped my part and went directly to the next before coming back and asking me to pray. While I have no recollection of what I prayed for generally or even how long my prayer was, I'm sure it included something grandiose like world peace. The service ended and life went on as normal, until something happened politically in the world, which caused my father to comment on my prayer on Christmas Eve, that God had answered my prayer. I wish I could recall what it was. I guess I've always known that God answers prayer if we are patient enough to wait for it.

As I'm playing catch up in my Bible reading, I read all about the Exodus and the plagues in Egypt. There are always two things I think of when I read about the plagues - one is sympathizing with the Egyptian people, who suffered from having their water turned to blood, being infested with frogs, flies, gnats and locusts, having their livestock killed with disease, suffering from skin boils and trying to find shelter from the hail and enduring the days of darkness before their eldest son died. The other things is shock that God harded the heart of the pharoh so that he would not let the Israelites go worship God until God had demonstrated and shown his glory through all the plagues.

As a people, we are at the mercy of our leaders. As the election grows closer I find myself pondering the way we change leaders. I support term limits - not only for the president, but also for congress and the senate. I watch as candidates rip each other apart publically, and I am disgusted at the pundits who analyze and pontificate about the flaws and failures of the other side and the other parties in general. Frankly, I'm tired of it. Personally, I have been criticized by others for my support of a candidate or two and sadly, I have vocalized my disdain at their cadiditate too. I question the cadidate's honesty wonder whether they are looking out for my best interests or their own. I've learned as I've watched the unraveling of our country this past decade - first with the media critizing our past two presidents and second as the social media separates close friends and families - I wonder whether there is any hope for our country remaining united.

But what I never question is the love of my God or his ability to answer prayer. Whether it was my youthful prayer lifted up during the cold war, or my prayer today for peace and unity in our country regardless of who sits in the oval office, I am confident that my God is bigger than any of the petty banter that springs forth from our television sets or through our computers. I place my faith in Him. Just as the early Israelites placed their faith in God to keep them from some of the plagues, until He provided a way out.

Picking up where I left off

Michael Jordan once said "If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

These last couple of weeks I've encountered some roadblocks. With the exception of this past weekend, I've stayed very true to my eating plan. I've exercised at least five days per week - often six or seven times. But I haven't read nor blogged. And I haven't moved past the plateau of 15 pounds lost.

As I'm learning, I need all three to be successful. Jesus said "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5.

So, I must now decide how to move forward. Do I pick up where I left off? And just eliminate these past weeks? Do I just pretend the last few weeks didn't matter? Do I try to read and back fill? Or do I just skip it and start today? Since my plan seemed to have hit the pause button, I'll go back to where I left off and let the next post be Day 42 - the start of weeks 7 and 8.

Another reason to pick up where I left off is because of my Ry. We were in church ten days ago, and our Pastor encouraged us to continue to seek the Holy Spirit. Ry leaned over after the sermon ended and told me that his Bible has some questions at the bottom of most pages, and that he would like to read it - starting in Genesis and going through to the end, and answer the questions as he goes. I told him that he had a great idea. (I truly believed that the Holy Spirit was prompting him). By Wednesday, we had not yet started our reading, a fact of which he reminded me. So we sat down together. He opened his Bible and read the first chapter of Genesis. I read day 56 - which is where I would have been. (More on that later).

Later that evening, I see Ry walking down the hallway with a screwdriver. "Hey" I called out. "What are you doing?" He said that he was switching out the light switch cover. This past summer, at VBS, Sue (the craft person) organized a craft to support that day's lesson - that God created day and night. It was a light switch cover. The top diagonal was dark blue with glow-in-the-dark stars, and the bottom diagonal was glow-in-the-dark yellow. He switched out his light switch cover to enforce what he read that day. Good things happen when we search for the Holy Spirit.

As for my reading, the old testament reading was in the book of Leviticus, which talks about things that make you clean and unclean. Today's lesson was on semen emmisions and menstrual periods. I thought, well, I can't go from Moses being found in the Nile to bodily emmisions without providing the back story. Hence, my choice to pick up where I left off.