Day 16 - Today was eye opening for me.
A few years ago - 2009 - I lost a lot of weight - about sixty pounds. I did it out of vanity because I wanted to look good at my high school reunion. Then, in 2010, Mark had shoulder surgery. I was kind for about a week. Then resentment and bitterness sunk in. I resented having to perform tasks and chores I believed he was still capable of doing. I resented that although he had plenty of sick time, he returned to work quickly and would not do more for me. I became bitter at having to drive him to and from therapy. I was bitter that I had to disrupt my life and schedule for him. I was bitter because when I was helpless five years earlier wrestling with fear and anxiety, he did not help me. I was selfish. I was angry. In the past I would have gossipped about him and complained. This time I stayed silent. I ate. I sat. I read books. I gained weight - 70 pounds. A year later, all of my hard work from 2009 was gone. All of the money I spent getting there, wasted. And my marriage was again hanging by a thread.
In my reading, scripture talks about Jacob wrestling with God. One night, after he sent is wives, children, and possessions ahead, he stayed behind - alone - and wrestled with a man all night. In the end, the man blessed him, but also wretched his hip. I walked with a limp after that. Jesus also verbally sparred with the Pharisees. When they accused Him of driving out demons by the help of another demon, he proclaimed that "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." Matthew 12:25. In 2010, I allowed myself to divide our household. Later that year, we attended FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember. We volunteer with that organization and it was the annual weekend. That first night, I suffered a pinched nerve in my neck. It was some of the worst pain I have ever felt. Pain medication didn't even touch it. One of the women attending the conference was a massage therapist. She worked on it, applied oil to it, prayed over it, and me. I cried from months of pain - not from my pinched nerve, but because I was being crushed by my internal sin. They continued to pray all weekend, they listened, they gave advice, and I followed it. Jesus also said "for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every empty work they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemed." Matthew 12:34b-37. My thoughts and my words were not kind. I had to accept that there was evil in me.
In the months that followed, God healed my neck. He healed my marriage again. He showed me his mercy and his grace. As marriages around me fell over the next two years, I clung to God's promises and to my husband. I continue to see the challenges we all face because of our thoughts, our words, our selfishness. I pray that this time, I acknowledge God's plan for me - and follow it. I pray that I am delivered from my stress eating and that I can finally be free of the extra weight that I have allowed to hold me down over the last decade.
"My child, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding - indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God." Proverbs 2:1-5.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Day 15 - Desiring Mercy
Day 15 - This is the day that we went to visit the kids' school. They each had an opportunity to look at their classrooms and get the lay of the land. Each played with a friend all day. It was nice for them to have one final play day of the summer.
I was not in the mood to continue my reading, eating or exercising. I was plainly aware of a variety of emotions today. I knew I had to get back on track, restart the routine, and keep moving forward, but in a phrase "I didn't want to." Times like this come, and when they do, I secretly hope I can eat what I want without consequence. Perhaps I can get away with it for a meal or two, but any longer than that is impossible.
Jesus was not welcomed by everyone when he roamed this earth. the religious leaders - the Pharisees - were the most educated and respected of all in that time. And, like anyone in power, they don't want to give it up. Nor do they appreciate when someone else is taking their glory or spotlight. Ever since God created the world, He designated one day of rest - the Sabbath. It is meant as a blessing for all - a day to rest and repose before facing a new week. Its a day to honor God and to enjoy family, friends and fellowship. I don't always honor the Sabbath, finding a reason to throw in a load of laundry or get some work done. In the days of Jesus, it was unlawful to do any work on the Sabbath. When one of the disciples picked some heads of grain to eat, the Pharisees saw and told Jesus his disciples were doing what was unlawful. Matthew 12:1-3. They later saw Jesus heal a man's hand on the Sabboth, which again, they believed was unlawful. Jesus explained that God desires mercy, not sacrifice and that it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath. Matthew 12:12. In fact, the whole point is to know God's love, and to show it to others, not to brag about what we are sacrificing in his name. I hope I can bring honor to Him as I share this journey I'm on.
"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he had brought justice through to victory. In his name the nations will put their hope." Matthew 12:20-21.
How great this nation could be if we could all put our hope in Jesus instead of mocking Him and the ones that hope in him.
I was not in the mood to continue my reading, eating or exercising. I was plainly aware of a variety of emotions today. I knew I had to get back on track, restart the routine, and keep moving forward, but in a phrase "I didn't want to." Times like this come, and when they do, I secretly hope I can eat what I want without consequence. Perhaps I can get away with it for a meal or two, but any longer than that is impossible.
Jesus was not welcomed by everyone when he roamed this earth. the religious leaders - the Pharisees - were the most educated and respected of all in that time. And, like anyone in power, they don't want to give it up. Nor do they appreciate when someone else is taking their glory or spotlight. Ever since God created the world, He designated one day of rest - the Sabbath. It is meant as a blessing for all - a day to rest and repose before facing a new week. Its a day to honor God and to enjoy family, friends and fellowship. I don't always honor the Sabbath, finding a reason to throw in a load of laundry or get some work done. In the days of Jesus, it was unlawful to do any work on the Sabbath. When one of the disciples picked some heads of grain to eat, the Pharisees saw and told Jesus his disciples were doing what was unlawful. Matthew 12:1-3. They later saw Jesus heal a man's hand on the Sabboth, which again, they believed was unlawful. Jesus explained that God desires mercy, not sacrifice and that it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath. Matthew 12:12. In fact, the whole point is to know God's love, and to show it to others, not to brag about what we are sacrificing in his name. I hope I can bring honor to Him as I share this journey I'm on.
"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he had brought justice through to victory. In his name the nations will put their hope." Matthew 12:20-21.
How great this nation could be if we could all put our hope in Jesus instead of mocking Him and the ones that hope in him.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Exercise Goal for Week 3 & 4 Updated
As I've learned, my running long distance on the weekend is not ideal. The kids have soccer games and other things come up. I'm shifting my schedule a bit by a day to get the long run in on Wednesdays when I'm home alone.
Sunday: P90X chest and back, Ab ripper X, C25K week 2 day 1
Monday: Insanity plyo cardio circuit, C25K week 2 day 2
Tuesday: P90X shoulders and arms, Cardio Abs, C25K week 2 day 3
Wednesday: 6.2 mile run - Insanity cardio recovery
Thursday: P90X legs and back, Ab ripper X
Friday: Insanity pure cardio
Saturday: 5K interval training
Sunday: P90X chest and back, Ab ripper X, C25K week 3 day 1
Monday: Insanity plyo cardio circuit, C25K week 3 day 2
Tuesday: P90X shoulders and arms, Cardio Abs, C25K week 3 day 3
Wednesday: 8 mile run - Insanity cardio recovery
Thursday: P90X legs and back, Ab ripper X
Friday: Insanity pure cardio
Saturday: 5K interval training
I threw this plan out the window almost as quickly as I typed it. I did only a few DVD workouts and ran a few times, including a practice half marathon. The one thing I learned is that I have to find a schedule that balances a job, kids, practices and workouts.
Sunday: P90X chest and back, Ab ripper X, C25K week 2 day 1
Monday: Insanity plyo cardio circuit, C25K week 2 day 2
Tuesday: P90X shoulders and arms, Cardio Abs, C25K week 2 day 3
Wednesday: 6.2 mile run - Insanity cardio recovery
Thursday: P90X legs and back, Ab ripper X
Friday: Insanity pure cardio
Saturday: 5K interval training
Sunday: P90X chest and back, Ab ripper X, C25K week 3 day 1
Monday: Insanity plyo cardio circuit, C25K week 3 day 2
Tuesday: P90X shoulders and arms, Cardio Abs, C25K week 3 day 3
Wednesday: 8 mile run - Insanity cardio recovery
Thursday: P90X legs and back, Ab ripper X
Friday: Insanity pure cardio
Saturday: 5K interval training
I threw this plan out the window almost as quickly as I typed it. I did only a few DVD workouts and ran a few times, including a practice half marathon. The one thing I learned is that I have to find a schedule that balances a job, kids, practices and workouts.
Reading Goal - Weeks 3 & 4 Updated
This week begins with Jacob, the son of Issac, the grandson of Abraham, fleeing from his uncle with his two wives, his children, and his flocks. In Matthew, Jesus is in the middle of his public ministry. And, I am enjoying the praises and wisdom from Psalms and Proverbs.
The Reading Plan:
Genesis 31:1 - Exodux 8:32
Matthew 12:1 - 19:30
Psalm 9:13 - 17:5
Proverbs 2:1 - 3:20
I fell behind on my reading plan, and had to play catch up on a few of the days. I found comfort in the Psalms and wisdom in the Proverbs. It has been rewarding to reread God's love story with his people and ultimately with all of us through His Son, Jesus. I'm looking forward to continuing this amazing journey.
The Reading Plan:
Genesis 31:1 - Exodux 8:32
Matthew 12:1 - 19:30
Psalm 9:13 - 17:5
Proverbs 2:1 - 3:20
I fell behind on my reading plan, and had to play catch up on a few of the days. I found comfort in the Psalms and wisdom in the Proverbs. It has been rewarding to reread God's love story with his people and ultimately with all of us through His Son, Jesus. I'm looking forward to continuing this amazing journey.
Day 14 - Rest for the Weary
Day 14 - This is the last day of my two-week challenge.
Overall, I'm pleased with my choices. Some of the positive moments include completing my reading goal, logging my food and exercise in MFP for all fourteen days, exercising on eleven days, but completing fifteen workouts, sticking within my calories on all but one day, and only having one margarita. I also managed to get a good chunk of the fishtank cleaned out. Yeah me. Some of the challenges include skipping exercise this past Thursday and Friday with no good reason other than laziness and not running longer than 6.2 miles, and having that hostess cupcake when I wasn't hungry, didn't need it and knew it didn't belong in my diet.
My reading for today shows how Jacob grew his family. His sons became the tribes of Israel. Jesus is also beginning to reveal his reason for coming and is starting to reveal Himself as the son of God.
It's not ironic that today was baptism day. When both my children were babies, we baptized them choosing special people to look after them spiritually. The church we attend does not baptize babies. Instead, they have a dedication. This is when the parents and the church agree to raise the child in the Christian faith. Baptism comes later, when one publically declares that they have chosen to follow Jesus Christ. They acknowledge that His death on the cross was sufficient to forgive them for all of their sins, and by God's grace they have been saved from hell and will enjoy eternal life with Christ in Heaven. After this public declaration, they are dunked in the water. This year, that water was at a point where two local rivers meet. It was powerful.
Kat chose a verse from 1Timothy 4:12. "Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." Although I didn't see it at the time, a friend pointed out that she did exactly what her verse said - she was an example to her dad. He was in the class with her when he decided to be baptized as well. It was a very good day.
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:9-10.
Overall, I'm pleased with my choices. Some of the positive moments include completing my reading goal, logging my food and exercise in MFP for all fourteen days, exercising on eleven days, but completing fifteen workouts, sticking within my calories on all but one day, and only having one margarita. I also managed to get a good chunk of the fishtank cleaned out. Yeah me. Some of the challenges include skipping exercise this past Thursday and Friday with no good reason other than laziness and not running longer than 6.2 miles, and having that hostess cupcake when I wasn't hungry, didn't need it and knew it didn't belong in my diet.
My reading for today shows how Jacob grew his family. His sons became the tribes of Israel. Jesus is also beginning to reveal his reason for coming and is starting to reveal Himself as the son of God.
It's not ironic that today was baptism day. When both my children were babies, we baptized them choosing special people to look after them spiritually. The church we attend does not baptize babies. Instead, they have a dedication. This is when the parents and the church agree to raise the child in the Christian faith. Baptism comes later, when one publically declares that they have chosen to follow Jesus Christ. They acknowledge that His death on the cross was sufficient to forgive them for all of their sins, and by God's grace they have been saved from hell and will enjoy eternal life with Christ in Heaven. After this public declaration, they are dunked in the water. This year, that water was at a point where two local rivers meet. It was powerful.
Kat chose a verse from 1Timothy 4:12. "Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." Although I didn't see it at the time, a friend pointed out that she did exactly what her verse said - she was an example to her dad. He was in the class with her when he decided to be baptized as well. It was a very good day.
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:9-10.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Day 13 - A Close Encounter
Day 13 began early - another 4:30 a.m. wake up. I considered going out for my long run, but elected against it. A bear ran across the road on my four-mile-run route last night after Ryan's soccer practice. I think I may just stay in my neighborhood for a while. I watched some television and had breakfast. One of my favorite breakfasts I enjoyed as a child was rice krispies with blueberries. I don't often have it because I rarely eat cereal, but the blueberries are so fresh this summer, how could I not? I managed to fall back asleep.
I also weighed in this morning. Part of me was concerned that my margarita last night would jeopardize all of my hard work, but I was pleased to know that I'm less than one-half of a pound away from my two-week goal of 5 pounds. I believe it will be easier to stay on track for the rest of the weekend. I completed another round of Kenpo X - what a fun workout and I'm more coordinated this week than I was last week. I'm sure that will continue to improve as well.
Today is the first day of soccer games for the kids. Luckily both games are in our hometown, so we don't have to travel very far. Both kids played well and started their respective seasons with a win. It was really hot and one of the team members suffered heat exhaustion. I feel badly that Kat's team won't have any subs for todays game since two girls are on vacation and she is being baptized.
Ryan is spending the night with a friend so Mark and I will have some alone time with Kat tonight to talk about her baptism tomorrow. Jesus said "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven." I'm really proud of both Mark and Kat for choosing to be baptized. I think back to when I first started attended church in our old home town, and all those services I attended alone while he stayed home and slept. I thank God for answered prayer. One of the greatest and most challenging things I ever did was taking my hands off of Mark's relationship with God and allowed Him to do what He wanted with Mark. God's way is always better than our way. I'm grateful for his blessings.
"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1.
I also weighed in this morning. Part of me was concerned that my margarita last night would jeopardize all of my hard work, but I was pleased to know that I'm less than one-half of a pound away from my two-week goal of 5 pounds. I believe it will be easier to stay on track for the rest of the weekend. I completed another round of Kenpo X - what a fun workout and I'm more coordinated this week than I was last week. I'm sure that will continue to improve as well.
Today is the first day of soccer games for the kids. Luckily both games are in our hometown, so we don't have to travel very far. Both kids played well and started their respective seasons with a win. It was really hot and one of the team members suffered heat exhaustion. I feel badly that Kat's team won't have any subs for todays game since two girls are on vacation and she is being baptized.
Ryan is spending the night with a friend so Mark and I will have some alone time with Kat tonight to talk about her baptism tomorrow. Jesus said "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven." I'm really proud of both Mark and Kat for choosing to be baptized. I think back to when I first started attended church in our old home town, and all those services I attended alone while he stayed home and slept. I thank God for answered prayer. One of the greatest and most challenging things I ever did was taking my hands off of Mark's relationship with God and allowed Him to do what He wanted with Mark. God's way is always better than our way. I'm grateful for his blessings.
"I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." Psalm 9:1.
Day 12 - Wisdom's Rebuke
Day 12 began with high hopes of getting back to exercising and eating right. It ended with a margarita and a crappy night sleep. In between, I did manage to complete my work project and take Ryan to soccer. My throat was feeling better, but I had to forfeit my dinner with some ladies at church so that I didn't get anyone sick. I also didn't clean the house, do laundry, or spend much time with the kids.
Day 12 also marks the return to Proverbs. It states "How long will you who are simple love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? Repent at my rebuke! Then I will pour out my thoughts to you. I will make known to you my teachings." Proverbs 1:22-23
These verses were a nice reminder that my same old mindset has not produced positive results. When work gets in the way, or the road gets bumpy, resorting to no exercise and placing no limits on eating does not get me where I need to be. In fact, it is guaranteed to lead to tremendous backslidding. I must break my simple ways and start walking out the walk I'm called to do. It is the only way to have success.
" . . . but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33
Day 12 also marks the return to Proverbs. It states "How long will you who are simple love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge? Repent at my rebuke! Then I will pour out my thoughts to you. I will make known to you my teachings." Proverbs 1:22-23
These verses were a nice reminder that my same old mindset has not produced positive results. When work gets in the way, or the road gets bumpy, resorting to no exercise and placing no limits on eating does not get me where I need to be. In fact, it is guaranteed to lead to tremendous backslidding. I must break my simple ways and start walking out the walk I'm called to do. It is the only way to have success.
" . . . but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33
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